Saturday, June 20, 2009

First Aid and Family Planning for Home and Farm, or
Lékařské příručky pro domácnost

The other day, my father swallowed wrong at lunch and coughed a bit, prompting him to wonder aloud whether this would kill him. He has always enjoyed speculating whether various experiences might kill him.
I said that he probably wouldn't choke to death with my mother and me around, and my mother agreed that we'd whack him on the back if necessary.
He responded "Oh, you'd perform artificial insemination on me."
It took a moment for my father to realize what he had said, but his comment immediately prompted great mirth from the females at the table; finally I managed to say that if there was one thing we were unlikely to do to him, it was probably artificial insemination.
Once we calmed down slightly, we spent awhile speculating about one of my parents' old schoolmates who had made a career of artificially inseminating cattle. I think their classmate would probably have retired before the advent of modern procedures requiring the farmer to stimulate the animal before insemination... (upon which see here)


  1. I watched the whole thing and not once did she mention ice cream or chocolate cake.

  2. I daresay she does in her book.