Extraordinary Master and Servant Case

From time to time I delve into the antics of my ancestors and their kin, as a form of distraction from writing scholarly articles about people I'm not related to, I suppose. This evening I chanced upon the following article in the Dundee Courier, one of many therein regarding the misadventures of my kinsman the farmer at Fithie.

Extraordinary Master and Servant Case, Cross-Swearing.
In the Forfar Small Debt Court yesterday--Sheriff Robertson presiding--an action was brought at the instance of Annie Smollet, some time domestic servant at Fithie, against David Lamb, farmer, Fithie, for £6 10s, as wages for the six months from Martinmas to Whitsunday last. Mr Thomson, Brechin, appeared for pursuer, and Mr Walter Oswald, Arbroath, for defender. The defence was justifiable dismissal. Pursuer, who is about 20 years of age, said she entered defender's service at Whitsunday, 1883, and was dismissed from her place on 3d May last for "speaking to a man." The Sheriff--That was very hard. (Laughter.) Mrs Lamb, however, took her back on condition that she did not take men into the house, and also that she kept away from the bothy, but she was again dismissed before the term. She denied that she had been in the practice of taking John Anderson, one of the farm servants, into her bedroom almost every night; nor had she, about two o'clock in the morning, left her room and gone to the bothy. She had no recollection of having been found in one of the bothy beds by her mistress. Asked if she had ever let the cattle out of the courts one night through malice towards her employer, she replied in the negative. She likewise swore that she never gave the pigs a dose of cayenne pepper, and she blamed a fellow-servant for having put burning cayenne pepper under Mrs Donald's door to smoke her out of the house. She denied stealing whisky or anything else from her mistress. Witness stated that she was last dismissed for having gone to the bothy to put a mustard plaster on Anderson, who was bad with inflammation. Mrs Lamb deponed that pursuer was a very bad woman, that she stole whisky, sugar, beef, and bread, and in fact everything that she could lay her hands on. She knew that Smollet had been in the habit of taking men into her bedroom, and on one occasion she saw John Anderson there. Witness taxed pursuer with dosing the pigs with cayenne pepper, and she did not deny it. On a Sunday evening witness found Smollet hiding in one of the bothy beds, and at another time she saw her leaving the bothy about three o'clock in the morning. Pursuer was dismissed for going to the bothy, which she had been forbidden to enter. [illegible] Colville, domestic servant, Fithie, gave evidence to the effect that Anderson had been in pursuer's bedroom almost every night during the past six months, and that she let the cattle out of the courts one night, and by scouring about one of their number got a broken leg. Pursuer was again recalled, and the Sheriff having warned her as to the consequence of committing perjury, she adhered to her former evidence, and signed the notes which had been taken by his Lordship. The Sheriff--I feel myself bound to go into this case, because it is scandalous to a Court of Justice. I don't know who is committing perjury. John Anderson, examined, denied that he had ever visited pursuer in her bedroom. This witness's statement was also taken down by the Sheriff. William Lamb, farm servant, Fithie, corroborated Mrs Lamb's assertion in regard to pursuer having been in the bothy on a Sunday night. Defender stated that he dismissed pursuer because she was making his house a brothel. After other evidence had been led, the Sheriff said he was satisfied that there was no cause for his interference, as dismissal had been proved to be justifiable. Every farmer was entitled to have a pure household, and if he insisted on its purity, the law would back him up. Having commented on pursuer's character, he granted decree of absolvitor, and said he would place the statements which Smollet and Anderson had made in the hands of the Fiscal.

Local news ain't what it used to be.

Pearls of Special Wisdom

Yet more from the Howlers folder:

There are three bad habits--smoking, drinking, and profound language.
It is better to burn the candle at both ends than to put it away in the closet and let the mice eat it.
Habits can become as worthless as a bottomless cuspidor.
A friend is one with whom we can take off our undermost garments and be sincere.
A coat shouldn't be overempathized.
Our habits change very little--unless of course we kill ourselves.
It is simply much easier for people to get into a grave and follow that grave than it is for one person to get out of this grave, make his own grave and let other people follow him.

(I'm all for burning the candle at both ends, and for being able to take off my undermost garments and be sincere with my friends, but I draw the line at making my own grave, okay?)

On Modern Life

More of those howlers:

...he may not be able to transgress his accumulation of knowledge...
Our overpopulation is a result of our indiscretion in spending.
The acceleration of progression is creeping along.
In economics, we hear a lot about planned adolescence.
They let their filth from our factories impregnate our lakes and rivers.
We live in a period of restless tranquillity.
Of course, everyone likes to see some blood split.
After all, we live in this doggy-dog world.
In the rat race of life, no one wants to be the ugly duckling

Women and Their House Plants, or, The Truth about House Plants

As I will shortly be the only member of my immediate family to have any form of garden, I have been examining the various gardening texts that have guided my parents over the years. I believe that I will keep a slender item, originally purchased for 69 cents from the IGA in Normal, Illinois, which features a cover shot of a skier surveying a window full of potted hyacinths, tulips, daffodils, and other unseasonable blossoms. The initial text informs the reader that "Growing plants indoors ever since pioneer days, and even more so in this twentieth century, has provided millions of people with a rewarding and satisfying hobby." We learn that "with all the labor-saving devices modern woman has much more time to devote to their care." Subsequently, we are told that "Most women are far too kind to their house plants and think they have to have water every day."

As a friend of mine likes to say, "You get the picture."

On Love and Sex

More from the "howlers" folder:

Women are one of the habits man has learned to enjoy.
A man must sell insurance different from the way he sells his love.
He satirizes a virgin wrench.
I like to go steady, because then I am always ready if anything big comes up.
When a boy is deeply involved with a girl, it becomes necessary to motivate her.
We are plagued by the eroticism of the soil.
"I am newly married and the question that confronts me now is 'Should I wear my rah-rahs to school?'"
Pepys and his wife often enjoyed erotic dishes and often dined out.
How much fun will a housewife be on her second honeymoon if all she does is worry about her children.
Marriage consoling organizations are established by churches and cities in order to save marriages 'on the rocks'

The (Un)reasonable Man

More from the "Howlers" folder:

The reasonable man goes through life in a comma.
An unreasonable man is one who fertilizes the world.
Self-scented is the name for the unreasonable man.
An unreasonable man is always a temtuous lover.
Society, a group of unreasonable men, let minority groups be scrapecoats.
The unreasonable man spends his money wisely before he earns it.

Howlers

My Sibling and I have been going through our father's papers with the intention of preparing them for archiving at his various universities. A folder entitled "Howlers" has surfaced. On literature:

The Rape of the Pope by Locke
Peachum is a downright scongrel.
Don Whan was a great lover.
Catch Her in the Rye
As the story opens, the heroin is seen...
Stephen discovers that Absalom has fathered an illegitimate child by the woman he married.
English took into its whore-house bed of words...
Life here can, as Shakespeare said, be compared to a baseball game.
I would agree with the author if he would only define is terms with my train of thought.
If it weren't for crime and violence, even the Bible would be reduced to a small pamphlet.
Stories of crime and violence take us away from the harsh realities of life.
The poem is a good example of the old carpet diem theme.
Chaucer's Canterbury Tales would have been dull if he had left out the stories.
Hamlet helps me to cathart.